The Chihuahua0 Death Note Show
by chihuahua0
Summary: Yet another question and dare DN story. Send in your reviews!
1. Introduction and Rules

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or most of the characters in this fan-fiction. I am NOT making any money off of this, so yay, I can't be sued, I think.**

* * *

Welcome to…

**Chihuahua0: **The Chihuahua0 Death Note Show! I'm your host, chihuahua0, and I'm currently checking out the last four volumes of Death Note at the library! But that doesn't mean I didn't look up the ending, right?

**Light Fangirls:** I miss Light! Boo-hoo-hoo.

**Chihuahua0:** So I'm presuming all of you know the ending, right?

(One percent-I mean-a quarter of the people in the audience leaves)

**Chihuahua0:** Oh well, no big lost, right? So today, I will be introducing our guests! Cue the fangirl screams!

**Fangirls:** Squeeee!

**Light:** Hi. (Sitting at the far left)

**Misa:** Hello, fans! (Sitting next to Light)

**L:** Hello. (L is eating a huge cake that is on the table)

**Near:** Hello. (Near is playing with a huge Rubik cube)

**Mello:** Hi. (Mello is eating a dark chocolate bar with the ChihuahuaEyes logo on it)

**Fangirls:** Double Squeeee!

**Chihuahua0:** I, with my Chihuahua Powers, rise everyone from the dead, so, except Misa and Near, everyone else knows how they died…So, this is just another fan-fiction talk show, am I correct?

**Teddy Bear:** (From off-stage) Correct!

**Chihuahua0:** I am only doing this because it is the second-most popular genre for Death Note fics besides Yoai and so I can attract views for Chihuahua0's Death Note. Bwahahaha! (Chocks)

**Everyone Else:** …

**Chihuahua0:** Excuse me. So, now for the rules!

**Chihuahua with Glasses (Chiwig):** Here are the rules.

1. Readers will send in questions or dares for the Death Note characters via review.

2. About 2-6 of the reviews will be use per chapter. There is a waiting list, so be patient.

3. Questions and dares must be directed at one or more person. Only one per person, please.

4. Yoai is discouraged. However, heterosexual romance is welcomed with open arms, and we _will_ provide a girl for you if you don't want to use Misa.

5. Questions and dares have to be T-rated or below. No sex, please. Some of our characters are still virgins.

6. Questions have higher priority over dares.

7. I, chihuahua0, can exclude some questions/dares or add some of my own.

8. If any of the characters die, I will use my Chihuahua Powers to bring them back to life. If anyone plants a bomb in the studio, I will poof it away.

9. If you have any questions for me, please ask. I like answering questions.

**Chihuahua0:** Also, I might do some other segments, like a brief one-shot. So, we shall begin.

**Everyone Else:**?

**Mello:** What if we don't want to do it?

**Chihuahua0:** Then I'll blackmail you and send you back to the Yoai Factory. (Points to the Yoai Factory one block away. It is a place where Yoai fan-fics are mass produced by thousands of fans) And I don't want to e-mail the picture of you naked at age 3, do you?

**Mello:** (Blushes)

**Chihuahua0:** I will now do a demonstration with my own set of questions:

From Chihuahua0, not from love:

Light: If a Shinigami falls in love with you, would you pretend to love her.

Misa: Perform a song for us! I heard you were in a Hollywood musical recently.

L: I was going to do a dare, but I am saving you for later.

Near: You too.

Mello: What is with the fur coat you wore while interrogating the NPA director in 2009?

**Chihuahua0:** So basically, I have three questions and a dare. Oh, and bring in the equipment!

**Labor Teddy Bears (LabTeds):** (Carts in lie detector and Taser)

**Chihuahua0:** (Picks up Taser) So, if you lie when answering a question, you will be shocked by the machine, and if you don't take a dare, I will take away your food/toys and/or Tase you. Now, (attaches lie detector to Light's right arm) answer the question.

**Light:** (Looks at Misa). Well, since Misa would go crazy if the Shinigami falls in love with me, I would not do it. Oh, and I'll trick the Shinigami into dieing.

**Misa:** Yay! Light won't cheat on me! (Leaps on Light)

**Light:** Ack! (Pushes Misa onto the floor)

**Chihuahua0:** (Looks at Misa on the floor)…Stand up. It is now your turn. What song will you sing?

**Misa:** I wrote a song about Light, recently, while he was dead. Now we are back together! (Hugs Light) Can I have a microphone?

(A stage and a microphone pops out from nowhere, behind the couches)

**Everyone but Chihuahua0:** …

**Misa:** (Climbs up on stage and adjustes microphone). I dedicate this song to Light.

(Cues music, to a upbeat tune of "Halo" by Beyonce)

**Misa:**

Remember those names I wrote

Well, Light they're no more…

And they didn't have heart attacks

They didn't even like Kira

I found a way to find you now

But I never really had a doubt

Standing in the light of your Note!

I got my Knight now!

I can feel you Light!

(Light Light)

I can see you Light!

(Light Light)

I can feel you Light!

(**Chihuahua0: **Wait a minute)

I can see you Light!

(Light…-)

**Chihuahua0:** (Interrupts the song) Wait, didn't you steal it from Beyonce?

**Misa:** I could write her name in the Death Note.

**Anti-Misa Girls:** Boo! We love Beyonce! And Justin Bieber!

(Stage disappears and Misa falls to the ground, again.)

**Chihuahua0:** Now, Mello, (attaches lie detector to Mello) Answer my fur-coat question. It had been bothering me since I saw it and further confused me about your gender. Seriously, I was looking at your chest until your gender was mentioned in dialogue.

**Mello:** (Groans)…I give, I'll tell you. I was going to wear this cool leather jacket, which I brought the day before. However, some Mafia goon stole it at the last minute! The only other jacket on hand that was my size was the fur-shoulder coat.

I had that person killed the minute I came back.

(Misa is giggling, but the lie detector is steady)

**Chihuahua0:** Thank you for clearing that up. And that is the end of our show for today. Remember to send in reviews! By for now!

**Mello:** Wait! I can't get the lie detector bracelet off!

**Chihuahua0:** Well, too bad!

**Mello:** …

* * *

**Another Disclaimer: Again, I don't own Death Note. Stop bothering me.**


	2. Sunshine, Rover, and Halle Lidner?

**Chihuahua0:** Welcome back to the Chihuahua0 Death Note Show! I'm your host, chihuahua0, and here are our guests! (Extend out hand to show the guests).

**Fangirls:** Squeeee!

**Light:** Hi. (Sitting at the far left, again)

**Misa:** Hello, fans! (Sitting next to Light, again)

**L:** Hello. (L is eating a huge cake that is on the table, again)

**Near:** Hello. (Near is playing with a huge Rubik cube, again)

**Mello:** Hi. (Mello is eating a dark chocolate bar with the ChihuahuaEyes logo on it, again)

**Fangirls:** Double Squeeee! (Again)

**Chihuahua0:** I, with my Chihuahua Powers, can raise everyone from the dead, so…wait a minute, is it me or we just repeated most of the first segment?

**L:** Yes, you are, with ten percent accuracy.

**Chihuahua0:** …According to my research, when you mean five percent, you actually meant _ninety percent_.

**L:** Correct.

**Chihuahua0:** Okay, I already received a few reviews from readers. Three of them, in fact, but that's good for a first chapter, right?

**Teddy Bear:** (From off-stage) Right!

**Chihuahua0:** So, I'll might use two or three of them, based on how much time I have, but I have lots of time and hardly any writer's block now. In fact, last night I was writing a Yoai story in my room-wait a minute…

**Everyone Else:** …

**Chihuahua0:** (Zaps everyone with his Chihuahua Powers so they would forget what he just said) Now, here is the Chihuahua with Glasses (Chiwig) with the review cards!

**Chiwig:** (Enters with review cards in its paws) Okay, our first ever review is from **empressfate**, which happens to be doing another show like this:

Yay! Another 'ask the ressurected characters' thing! I guess they ARE really popular.

(**Chihuahua0:** You bet they are)

1. To L, do you ever get bored and paint your toenails? I do, especially when I'm 'cleaning' my room.

2. To Mello, have you ever PURPOSEFULLY dressed as a girl to manipulate people? I know you do it on accident, but...

3. To Misa-Misa, do you sometimes write your name over and over again as 'Misa Yagami', for practice?

**Chihuahua0:** So that's three questions, but no dares. Remember that questions take higher priority than dares, and dares could be cut out for time constraints. So, L, (A Teddy Bear carts out the lie detector and puts the bracelet on L's wrist) Do you paint your toenails.

**L:** (Looks at the lie detector) Where's your Taser.

**Chihuahua0:** (Takes out Hello Kitty Pepper Spray, courtesy of Hello Kitty) This time I have Hello Kitty Pepper Spray, which is worst.

**L:** Well, my toenails are small (Looks at bare feet) but one time before the Wammy House, Watari hired this maid, and she specialized in caring for teen girls. It wasn't a pleasant experience.

**Mello:** (Sarcastically) Was it fun?

**L:** (Blushes) Yes. But there is a ten percent chance that she is now hiding from the Mafia.

**Everybody Else:** …

**Fangirl:** (to another fangirl) Told you he isn't legal.

**Chihuahua0:** Now for the next question. (Attaches lie detector) Mello, had you ever disguised yourself as a girl?

**Mello:** (Using the same expression that he used at the aspect at working together with Near in the flashback in volume 7) Err…Hmm…Uh…

**Chihuahua0:** Answer the question, now. (Shakes spray can)

**Mello:** There was this one incident at the Wammy House on Halloween…

**Near:** Matt was there.

**Mello:** There was an annual Halloween costume party there, since we didn't trick-or-treat. This one boy, named Rover (**Chihuahua0:** This is my own character. Don't steal him) wanted to play a prank on Near, so he bribed me with high quality dark chocolate to dress as a witch and scare Near until he wetted his pants.

**Near:** It didn't work.

**Mello:** (Threatening) Don't you dare-

**Chihuahua0:** -Now for the last question from empressfate. Misa, or should I say _Misa-Misa_ (winks), answer your question.

**Misa:** I do have a notebook with my new name in it-

**Light:** We didn't married.

**Misa:** We were engaged! Here, (takes out a notebook similar in appearance to the Death Note and opens it. All over was sketches of Light, romantic drawings of Light and Misa together, and LightXMisa Yagami all over it)

**Light:** (Blushes)

**Misa:** I am royal to you forever!

**Chihuahua0:** Yandere (Coughs) Yandere. (A Yandere is a person, usually an innocent-looking girl, who would you anything, even _kill_, to be loved by a certain person)

**Misa:** I heard that!

**Chihuahua0:** Okay, next person. Sorry third person, but I won't have enough time to get to you today. Hit it, Chihuahua with Glasses!

**Chiwig:** This next one is from **Escaping Dreams**, who happens to had kidnapped Mello recently, and apparent Mello's still there. I have no idea how that is possible. Now, from Escaping Dreams:

Heh heh heh heh!

Light: Did you know that your last name backwards is "Imagay"?

L: What is your favorite song?

Mello: I'm using my dare on you! Ok! I need you to poof up Halle Lidner! Yeah, I dare you to kiss Ms. Lidner here! I am a fangirl of the paring! Oh, and I luff you Mello! -swoons-

Near: Were you friends with Linda?

Misa: Did you know that Light is just using you?

Thank you!

**Light:** I am sick of those jokes! It's a Japanese name! You Americans have a sick sense of humor!

**Chihuahua0:** I am an American (Aims the spraycan at him)

**Light:** …On another thought, they have good hamburgers.

**L:** The chances that Light will be hit by the pepper spray had just went up by one percent.

**Light:** What? Da** you!

**Chihuahua0:** Language! I only have one Censor Teddy Bear (CenTed). Now L, (attaches lie detector. From now on, I won't say that I do it) what is your favorite song.

**L:** That is a hard question. I don't listen to music that often, since sweets are sufficed (eats a sugar cube).

**Misa:** (Sings a song by Lesley Gore) Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows. Everything that's wonderful-

**L**: -is what I feel when we're together,

Brighter than a lucky penny,

When you're near the rain cloud disappears, dear,

And I feel so fine just to know that you are-

**Chihuahua0:** Ah-Ha! Your favorite song is "Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows"!

**L:** (blushes)

**Near:** Is it me, or everyone has an embarrassing answer to every question?

**Chihuahua0:** (Uses Chihuahua Powers on Near) It's just you. I will save the dare for last.

**Mello:** (Grumbles)

**Chihuahua0:** Now, Near, were you friends with Linda?

**Near:** Not really. Linda mostly hanged out with Rover. But if I can recall correctly, she had a crush on me way back then (**Chihuahua0: **Another one of my ideas!). I saw her in the play room a few times when we were kids, and I let her sketch some of my toys, but we weren't really friends.

**Chihuahua0:** That was the least embarrassing answer so far, good for you. (Slips a deck of cards to Near)

**Mello:** Why does he get freebies!

**Chihuahua0:** (Points at chocolate bar) Remember who's giving you your chocolate.

**Mello:** (Grumbles) Right.

**Chihuahua0:** Now, Misa…

**Misa:** He does love me! He says that Misa's eyes are the best!

**Everyone Else:** … … …

**Misa:** Really! Light also said that we would do "this and that" on our wedding night. Fortunately, we did it earlier. (**Chihuahua0:** Yet another idea…)

**Everyone Else: **… … … … … … … … … …

**Chihuahua0:** (Has recorder in hand) Yay! More blackmail

**Misa:** (Covers mouth with both hands)

**Chihuahua0:** Now for our dare! Drum roll!

**Drummer Bears:** (Cliché Drumroll)

**Chihuahua0:** Now, let me try to remember who's Halle Lidner again.

**Everybody Else:** …

**Chihuahua0:** I remember. It's that SPK woman who leaked information to Mello! I bet she has a crush on you, Mello!

**Mello:** You pervert! She's ten years older than me!

**Chihuahua0:** And yet Matsuda is even older that Sayu, am I correct?

**Light:** He's thirty-two, I guess.

**Chihuahua0:** Well, it could be worst, right? Do you want to makeout with Matt?

**Mello:** (Grumbles, again) Fine. I don't like the MelloXMatt pairing anyways.

**Chihuahua0:** (Uses Chihuahua Powers)

**Halle Lidner:** (Poofs out of thin air with a yellow bikini on and in a suggestive pose) Hello, Mello, I miss you…

**Mello:** (Panics and tries to run away, but is then poofed into Halle's arms)

**Halle Lidner:** You are a cute boy (starts to smother Mello with a huge kiss to the lips. She rotates him around, and then let Mello's head drop. She puts one hand on his lower back, and then carefully brushes it down Mello's leather shirt, and then touches his sweaty jeans. She then pinches his-)

**CenTed:** Whoa, whoa, whoa! (Halle then disappears, and Mello falls to the ground) This is T-rated peoples!

**Chihuahua0:** Oops, I guess I let them get too carried away.

**Mello:** I will have your head. chihuahua0!

**Chihuahua0:** Okay, fans! See you next time! And don't be shy on reviewing!

**Mello:** I will get you!

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lesley Gore's "Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows". Don't sue me.  
And I don't own Death Note either, but I own Chihuahua0, the Chihuahuas, and all the Teddy Bears.  
Be lucky I'm not making any money off of this.**


	3. Pastries, Matt, and Pokemon Costumes

**Chihuahua0:** Again, welcome back to the Chihuahua0 Death Note Show! Cue the "Squees"!

**Fangirls:** Squeeeee!

**Chihuahua0:** Today, we have our regulars: Light, L, Misa, Near, and Mello!

**Fangirls:** Squeeeee! (Again)

**Chihuahua0:** But we are adding one more person to our cast to shake things up. And it's not-Halle Lidner.

**Fangirl:** (Silent)

**Chihuahua0:** I was going to say Dick Cheney, but I wasn't sure that was politically correct or the CenTed would let it slip. Oh, well, now we have…Matt!

**Fangirls:** Triple Squeeeee!

**Matt:** (Sits right next to Mello with DSi in hand) Hello.

**Chihuahua0:** I was saving him for later, but I needed to attract more reviewers. From now on, I'll be announcing the guest for our next show, but Matt is considered the mascot of the fandom.

**Matt:** You bet I am.

**Matt Fangirls:** Sque-

**Chihuahua0:** Now, on with the show! Since last time, we didn't get any new reviews. Luckily, I saved one from last time, and I have a list of questions and dares too. Now, hit it, Chihuahua with Glasses (Chiwig).

**Chiwig:** The following is from **LLives**. She is a minor author, but is apparently a huge fan of Death Note. Here is her review:

Near didn't die in Death Note, but Misa Amane killed herself after Light was found dead.

(**Chihuahua0:** I know. Misa hadn't died in this fan-fiction-yet. **Misa:** Excuse me?)

Light: dance like the sexy man you think you are ;D

L: Dress up as a French Maid.

Near: Dress up as a subservient nurse ;)

I was told no yaoi D: so this is what I give you 

**Chihuahua0:** Actually, yoai is allowed, but is discouraged. I don't want my show just to be another "Interactive Yoai Fest".

**Mello:** (making out with Matt and they seem to be enjoying it).

**MXM Fangirls:** Four times Squee! (Faints)

**Chihuahua0:**(Zaps them with Chihuahua Powers to break them up) No romance unless you are told to do it. Now Light, dance like the sexy man you are.

**Light:** But-

**Chihuahua0:** No _buts_. It's not my fault you are both stubborn and hot.

**Light:** (Grumbles and stands up)

**DJTeddy:** (At the DJ Booth. Puts on music)

(The song called Pastry Back by "Weebl and Bob" plays. It is to the tune of "Sexy Back")

I'm bringing Pastries back.

(Yeah)

When I transport it I like to wear a hat.

(Why)

I not too sure, but it don't look wack.

(Word)

Where we going to hide this to protect from attack?

(Hmmm.

Take it to the fridge!)

**Light:** (Stops dancing sexily) Wait a minute! You just played a song parody!

**Chihuahua0:** Our music selection is limited. If we play too many new popular songs, we might get sued (Really). Sit back down, you just taught me poses that I prefer to forget.

**Misa:** (Blushing)

**Chihuahua0:** Now, L, dress like a French Maid.

**L:** What does a French Maid looks like?

**Chihuahua0:** (Shows picture of French maid with hand on hip, leaning towards one leg)

**L:** (Blushes slightly) Where should I get dressed.

**Chihuahua0:** There is a dresser room backstage.

**L:** (Is escorted with SecTed backstage)

**Chihuahua0:** While we are waiting, I'm going to look up "subservient". (Takes out dictionary) There, it either means "too eager to obey" or "of lesser importance". Oh, Near, you have to dress up as a nurse!

**Near:** But…

**SecTed:** (Pushes Near backstage)

**L:** (Comes back on-stage with French Maid outfit. He has one hand on his hip and another holding a platter) How long do I have to do this?

**L Fangirls:** Squee!

**Misa:** Can I have the outfit?

**Chihuahua0:** No. (To L) You're done, go dress in your normal clothes now.

**L:** (Runs awkwardly backstage)

**Near:** (enters with white sexy nurse outfit, similar to the one Misa wore during the Yotsuba arc) This is so awkward.

**Near Fangirls:** Yay, Near! The free tickets are worth it!

**Near:** Free tickets? (Glares at Chihuahua0)

**Chihuahua0:** Uhh…Hmm…(Blushes) You can get back in your pajamas.

**Near:** (Exits)

**L:** (Enters) Now the chances that Chihuahua0 hates me had went up to twenty percent.

**Mello**: (Shocked expression) But that's like saying it's over one hundred percent!

**L:** Exactly.

**Chihuahua0:** I don't hate you. You are just lower than Naomi on my character list.

**Everyone Else:** You like Naomi!

**Chihuahua0:** Yes. She was the sanest woman in the whole series, but she was killed off too soon. However, personally her bottom is a little too big, but that suggest that she was too sexy to live.

**Near:** (Enters) This leads me to the conclusion that the creators are both sexist and perverts.

**Chihuahua0:** …That is like biting off the hand that is feeding you. Now, I will read my dare:

L and Matt: Dress up as Pokemon and wrestle. That is all. Near is safe, for now.

**Matt:** I'll choose my costume (Walks off stage).

**L:** I'll have someone choose mine for me.

**Mello:** (Smiles creepily) This should be fun.

**Everyone Else:** …

**Matt:** (Walks out in Charzard costume) I'm ready.

**L:** (Walks out in Teddiursa costume) I now know why the Teddy Bears chose my costume for me.

**Everyone Else:** (Conceals laughter)

**Matt:** Let's just fight! (Pounces on L)

**L:** Not so fast! (Kicks Matt)

**Matt:** (Charges at L)

**L:** (Slashes Matt harmlessly)

**Matt:** (Grapples L and they start tangling on the floor)

(They fight for three minutes)

**Misa and Mello:** (Looks lustfully at fight)

**L:** (stands up as the victor) Never fight a person trained in martial arts.

**Chihuahua0:** But you were wrestling.

**L:** Well, martial arts helps.

**Matt:** (Stands up. His Charzard head is broken off) That was a hard match!

**Chihuahua0:** And that is our show for today (or maybe just this morning)! Send in reviews, everyone!

* * *

**A Disclaimer: I don't own the song "Pastry Back". Look that up on YouTube by Weebl and Bob, it's very funny. And I don't own Pokemon either. Also, I don't own Death Note.**


	4. BB Fangirl, Wonka, and Hall Lidner Again

**(Note: Sorry for the delay. I am now resuming the Chihuahua0 Death Note Show now. And please please review. Even if it is only one question or dare, I'll do it!)**

* * *

**Chihuahua0:** Welcome back, again!

**Fangirls:** Squeeee!

**Chihuahua0:** I check out the last four volumes in Death Note. However, they didn't have volume 10 :( . I now know why people like the MelloXHalle pairing. (Blushes)

So…A day ago, I received a monster review! Yes, a monster review! You know what that means?

**Everyone Else:** …

**Chihuahua0:** I guess nobody knows. But that means dares for everyone!

**Guests:** Noooo!

**Misa:** Yes! (Hugs a reluctant Light)

**Chihuahua0:** Okay. I got this review from **xL-iz-After-BeyondBirthdayx **who is, obviously, a BB fan. Here is her review (are all Fanfiction members female?):

Lol!

Haha...Hey!

Umm... *looks around shyly* W-Where's BB-sama? *tilts head curiouly then glares at your evil*

How could you?

*sob* You forgots Beyond Birthday! D:

(**Everyone Else:** …)

*cries on L's shoulder* :( *sniffs* Ahem...Would you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEE include him? ^^ :D

(**L:** …)

Okay! On with the Questions and dares! ;D

L, Do you like Beyond Birthday? O.o :D Oh, can I have a hug?

Light, why did you kill Beyond Birthday? O.o (I already know.. though. xD )Oh, *stretched out arms* A hug, please? :3

Misa, Do you like Tacos?

Mello, If everyone in the world died, but Near and Linder didn't, how would you react?

Near, What would you do if Beyond Birthday came out of nowhere and forcefully, dyed your hair Black, and changed all of your white PJs and other clothing black? O.o

Matt, Can I have a hugg? :D Oh, and what would you do if BB randomly came up to you while you were sleeping and began to eat your hair? O.O

Chihuahua0, Will you include Beyond Birthday? O.o xD

(**Chihuahua0:** You will see)

Dares~!

L, I dare you to dress up as BB! Umm...I mean...Wear a black long sleeve shirt instead of a white one, stain your blue jeans with strawwberry Jam, put on red contacts. :D Yesh.~ You'll look SMEXIII! -ER. xD *huggles*

Light, I dare you to dye your hair green...NEON green. :3 *huggles*

Near, I dare you to lick Misa's cheek. ;D

Misa, I dare you to give Ranmari Morii from 'The Wallflower' a kiss on the lips.! xD

(**Chihuahua0:** Don't know him/her, and I'm too lazy to do the research. This doesn't prevent me from using this one in the future)

Mello, I dare you to dress us as Willy WOnka and sing the 'chocolatier' song..whatever it's called.

Matt, I dare you to dye your hair brown, wear Light's school uniform and put on brown contacts. :D And carry around Light's Death Note. ;3 (Your going to look A LOT like Light-kun! xD :'D ) *huggles*

(**Chihuahua0:** Sorry, but time limits make me not use this one, for now)

Okay Bye! :D *crosses fingers* please BB, add BB, ADD BB, ADDD BB, ADD BB, ADD BB.

**Pretty Much Everyone in the General Area:** …

**Chihuahua0:** Again, I will see. Since I had never read Another Note, I have no idea what is BB's personality. Now, L, do you like Beyond Birthday.

**L:** No.

**Chihuahua0:** …Please explain.

**L:** He imitated me, down to my appearance. He could have revealed my true identity to Naomi-san.

**Chihuahua0:** And you won the prize of "Least-Embarrassing Answer". Here's a giant cookie. (Pulls out a one-foot chocolate chip cookie).

**L:** (Grabs it and starts to gobble it down)

**Mello:** (Looks lustfully at the chocolate-chips)

**Chihuahua0:** Okay then…Light, why did you kill Beyond Birthday?

**Light:** He was just another criminal to die. I didn't know anything but his name and face.

**Chihuahua0:** But what I don't know is how did the authorities found out his real name?

**L:** I told it to them.

**Light:** …

**Chihuahua0:** We are going fast. Misa, do you like tacos.

**Misa:** (Stands up angrily) No, I don't! They are _so_ spicy! One time I ate one and it took days for my tongue to heal, and I couldn't kiss Light! I hate them! I hate them to-

**Chihuahuas:** (Runs from off-stage and circle around Misa) Ahem?

**Misa:** What?

**Chihuahua0:** The Chihuahuas…err…like tacos. You just offended about five percent, I mean, fifty percent, of my staff. The last person who did that is currently in a coma.

**Misa:** (gulp) Eek! (Attempts to run away)

**Chihuahuas:** (Pounces on Misa and began to maul her)

**Chihuahua0:** (Uses Chihuahua Powers to put the Chihuahuas back in place and restore Misa to normal.

**Misa:** (Shaking and traumatized) The Chihuahuas…

**Chihuahua0:** Moving on. Mello, what would you do if everyone else except Near and Halle died? To make sure you put thought into it, I brought in Halle, in a bikini.

**Halle Lidner:** (Enters with a green bikini. She has one hand on her lip and is swaying to slow music) Hello again, Mello.

**Light:** (Jaw drops)

**Misa:** (Slaps Light for no "apparent" reason)

**L:** (Grins creepily)

**Light:** (Slaps L)

**Chihuahua0:** Break it up. Now, Mello, look closely at Ms. Lidner and answer the question.

**Mello:** (Blushes) I would _kill_ Near. Then I would go out with Lidner.

**Halle Lidner:** Good to know. (Exits while swaying)

**Everyone Else:** …

**L:** There is a five percent chance that Chihuahua0 supports the MelloXHalle pairing.

**Chihuahua0:** (Ignoring L for "obvious" reasons) Now Near-

**Near:** I would arrest him. And get a new pair of pajamas.

**Chihuahua0:** That…was simple. Now Matt-

**Near:** Wouldn't BB be arrested by then?

**Chihuahua0:** Good point. (Gives Near a robot-making kit)

**Everyone Else:** Why are you favoriting Near!

**Chihuahua0:** (Stares hardly) Because I can!

**Everyone Else:** …

**Chihuahua0:** Now, on with the dares. Since we have several people requiring clothing/appearance changing, I'll send them all to the changing rooms at once.

**L, Light, and Mello:** (Stands up and walks off-stage)

**Chihuahua0:** Oh, and there is only one changing room.

**Random Person from the Crowd (RPftC):** Does that mean that L and Near saw each other change?

**Near:** (calmly) Unfortunately, yes.

**RPftC:** (To Chihuahua0) Pervert!

**Chihuahua0:** (Presses reject button and RPftC flies out) Now, they should be done by now.

**L:** (Walks out dressed like BB. He looks very creepy) How do I look to you?

**Everyone Else:** (Stares at strawberry jam dripping out of his mouth)

**L: **What?

**Chihuahua0:** Err…I don't recall having the Chihuahuas lay out strawberry jam backstage.

**L:** It was in an open box, labeling xL-iz-After-BeyondBirthdayx.

**Chihuahua0:** Oh, she sent several jars of strawberry jam with her review. L, you may change back into your clothes.

**L:** (Exits)

**Light:** (Enters, with neon green hair. For no apparent reason besides to add to the word count, it was sparkling)

**Misa:** Eek! Your hair is shining! (Runs towards Light and touches his hair) I like your hair!

**Light:** (Can I go back stage to wash it?

**Chihuahua0:** No, go sit back down. According to the reaction of the audience, their fetish to green hair might keep them here until the "good stuff".

**Light:** What do you mean by the "good"- (Gets dragged back to the couch).

**Mello:** (Enters with "Johnny Depp"-style Willy Wonka outfit on. His hair is dyed brown, holding a cane, and has sunglasses on) Do I have to sing the song?

**Chihuahua0:** Yes, but only the first few verse. Or the song authorities will zoom on us for using songs without permission and-Never mind, carry on. Wait a minute…

**Mello:** What?

**Chihuahua0:** I don't know which song is the "Chocolatier Song"! She didn't clarify enough! Oh, well, sing "The Candy Man" instead.

**Mello:** (Sighs) Here it goes…

Bill: Who can take dark chocolate

Sprinkle it in choco

Cover it in chocolate

and a miracle or two?

(**Chihuahua0:** Wait a minute…)

The Chocolate Man

The Chocolate Man can

The Chocolate Man can cause he mixes it with chocolate and makes the world taste good-

**Chihuahua0:** Wait a minute! It's the Candy Man! Not the Chocolate Man!

**Mello:** (Evil smile) I can do whatever I want!

**Chihuahua0:** Oh well, at least now I can avoid lawsuit. Goodbye now!

**Mello:** But I need to change out of my outfit!

**Chihuahua0:** Too bad!

**Mello:** I am going to kill you one day…

* * *

**Disclaimers: I don't own Willy Wonka or Death Note.**


	5. New Format, Photo Shoot, and Naomi

INT: CHIHUAHUA TOWERS-GAME SHOW STUDIO

In the vast studio is a stage surrounded by a large semi-circle of seats filled with screaming fangirls. The lights were focused on the stage. On the stage was a semi-circle red couch filled, from left to right: LIGHT, MISA, L, NEAR, MELLO, and MATT. From the audience's left, CHIHUAHUA ZERO enters with a microphone. He is a humanoid robot with prism limbs and torso, with chrome tan paint on the limbs and a red torso. His head displayed a green and black face with a happy expression.

CHIHUAHUA:

Hello, everyone! I am your host, Chihuahua0, and this is the Chihuahua0 Death Note Show!

Hundreds of fangirls shrieked from the audience, excited to be there again.

CHIHUAHUA:

As you can see, I adapted a new format. Recently, I brought a copy of a script of Star Wars. Really! There was a vendor selling all of these scripts for only twenty dollars. It was either Blade Runner or Star Wars, but Mom didn't want me getting the former. Also, it been awhile. Hopefully, I'll be doing this for awhile. Now, for our guests!

The spotlights focused on the reluctant guests.

CHIHUAHUA:

Unfortunately, I hadn't received any more reviews, so I'll use some of my own. However, I won't be using any of the ones I promised to use from last chapter, since it's late at night and I'm lazy. Now, hit it, Chihuahua in Glasses!

From the audience's left (I forgot which way's stage left) CHIWIG walked in stage, with a tiny piece of paper in his paw. He wore glasses too big for him.

CHIWIG:

Now, here are a brief list of dares from **Chihuahua0**. The list is as follows:

Light and L: Put on the handcuff and attempt to climb a fifthteen feet tall rock climbing wall with no safety equipment. Oh, and fangirls chosen from a drawing will be throwing Tootsie Pops at you.

Misa: Dress in a sexy outfit and do a photo-shoot with a celebrity of my choosing.

Near: Make out with Naomi in the middle of Times Square. There won't be fangirls.

Nothing sick, fortunately.

Chihuahua pulls a pair of handcuffs from out of nowhere.

CHIHUAHUA:

Now, Light and L, here are some handcuffs. They are made from enforced steel, and only I have the key. Now, here is the Mountain of Doom!

From the audience's left, a fifteen feet tall rock wall appears from the ground. It has a brown wall and black holdings. There is a rail at the top with four screaming fangirls with buckets on top.

LIGHT:

(Whining) Do we have to do it?

L:

Well, I'm doing it.

Apparently attracted by the Tootsie Pops the fangirls throw (which was in purpose), L drags Light to the rock wall and grabs on of the holdings.

L:

I suggest that you should start climbing now, Light. Go to the left of me,

LIGHT:

(Grumbling) Fine.

As they climb up the wall they alternated between left and right, slowing clawing up. All the while, the fangirls throw Tootsie Pops. However, they are a bad aim.

MISA:

Go Light!

Two-thirds of the way up, vertigo begin to set in. Light and L are a little wobbling. Tootsie Pops hit them, bonking their helmet-less heads. Without thinking, L reaches for a Tootsie Pop.

L:

I'll have this one.

FANGIRL:

Eek! He got mine!

Just when the fangirl fainted, L lose grip and fall to the length of the chain of the handcuffs. Light struggles to keep hold of the wall with only one hand.

LIGHT:

You are heavy. All I have to do is to pull you-

Right then, Light lose grip and both of them fell to the ground. On the moment of impact, varying screams fill the room.

CHIHUAHUA:

Don't worry, everyone! I just have to use my Chihuahua Powers!

With a flash, Light and L are back in their seat, without the handcuff. They are rubbing their wrists vigorously. Misa attempts to comfort Light, but he scoots away from her.

CHIHUAHUA:

Now Misa, I will send you to a photo shoot. Light wants you to do this.

Light rolls his eyes.

MISA:

Yay! I wonder who it will be?

INT: PHOTO SHOOT

Misa is whisked away to a room across town, where there are cameras displaying what's happening on the screen. It is a medium-sized room with lots of lights and a Teddy Bear photographer. Misa looks round and is shocked to find:

MILEY CYRUS:

Hello.

Miley was in a sexy minx dress showing her slightly tanned smooth black. Misa was dressed in long red dress with a bare back, separate sleeves, and panty hoses with high-heels. A screen popped up with Chihuahua on the screen.

CHIHUAHUA:

It was either Justin Bieber or her, and-

MISA:

(Angry) Miley Cyrus? I hate her!

CHIHUAHUA:

(Lying) Well I didn't know that. What's your grudge?

MISA:

You don't want to-

CHIHUAHUA:

(Fastly) They had a catfight on 42nd Street.

MISA:

You!

Miley then pulled Misa close to her and hug her while facing the camera.

MILEY:

Smile! I am being paid millions for no questions asked!

Obviously, Misa doesn't smile for the next fifteen pictures. All of them involved Miley touching Misa in suggestive ways, posing sexily all the awhile. Misa has an expression of embarrassment, disgust, and wanting to write Miley's name in the Death Note later.

MILEY:

For our last picture, we are suppose to kiss.

MISA:

What!

Miley Cyrus draws her lips closed to Misa's open mouth.

MILEY:

Like I said: No questions asked.

Thinking fastely, Misa kicks Misa in the mouth with her bare foot (because she can), while doing a karate scream. (Ee-yaa!) The photo was worthy of the front cover of People.

INT: CHIHUAHUA TOWERS-GAME SHOW STUDIO

Misa was then transported back to the studio, back in your normal clothes.

MISA:

(Furious) I hate you! I hate you to-

CHIHUAHUA:

Remember, your Death Note is gone.

Misa pouts. She is cute when she is angry.

CHIHUAHUA:

Now last but not least. Near, you now have to make out with Naomi in Times Square.

Near looks up from his toy robot.

NEAR:

Who's Naomi?

CHIHUAHUA:

Err, Naomi Misora is one of the victims of Kira. Her husband died earlier and she wears a biker outfit and has this big butt.

EVERYONE ELSE:

…

Mello is gleefully chewing on his chocolate bar with a creepy smile. Apparently, the "biker outfit" phrase turns him on.

MELLO:

This should be interesting. More interesting than my own pairing with Halle, since Near is someone sickos would die for.

EXT: NEW YORK-TIMES SQUARE-SUNSET

Near is whisk away to the middle of Times Square. The streets are crowded with people and cars. Nearby is a billboard advertising casting for the next Death Note movie in America. Naomi walks to Near, swaying. She is wearing her biker outfit with her helmet by her side.

NAOMI:

Are you Near?

NEAR:

(Blushing) Err…yes.

NAOMI:

I been waiting for you. Come here and kiss me.

Near acts shyly as he is drawn closer to Naomi. She strokes his pale cheek and his messy _straight_ snow white hair. Then without warning, Naomi starts to make out with Near, while violin music plays in the background. Passerbyers are disgusted. After a minute of passiontive kissing, they draw apart.

NAOMI:

What do you think of my French kiss?

NEAR:

What about your husband?

Naomi then slaps Near and he disappears.

INT: CHIHUAHUA TOWERS-GAME SHOW STUDIO

Near reappears on the couch.

CHIHUAHUA:

What do you think of Naomi's lips and butt-

GUESTS:

What's with you and her butt!

CHIHUAHUA:

I don't know. It's just, big. That's all for today! Good bye!

NEAR:

It was awkward.

* * *

**I do not own Toostie Pops or Miley Cyrus. Nor Death Note. Really, there is going to be another Death Note movie for America. I hope that they don't slaughter it like they did for Percy Jackson. Keep Naomi, keep Naomi, keep Naomi...**


End file.
